An Idiot at Home

I shouldn't mock myself really or my crap motor skills. I occasionally watch 'how to' videos on YouTube, an absolutely brilliant way of helping you do stuff that you've never done before. For example, this is my VFR800 last year after I had watched a clip about stripping and rebuilding suspension forks...

...less than 3 months later I was testing my new Maxton linear fork springs and this bad boy...

...at 140-150mph on the autobahn. Kind of proof because this is my nephew Matt using his GoPro. I think his RSV is reading 151mph and I was genuinely just behind on my often mocked but rarely left behind, 16 year old Honda. Gotta love everything Honda.

So my point is, 'how to' videos are really useful. Or can be. There are some poor ones around admittedly and I am proud to say that I have recently joined that pantheon of shit how to Directors. It is actually harder than it looks. Like calling the boot the bonnet, a ruler a screwdriver (poor continuity), confusing thinner with narrower and wearing wellies like Jimmy Cricket. Or dropping stuff like a retard and trying to con your audience that the badge is actually stuck on when you took it off a week ago. Or worrying that you sound tight saying it was very expensive at £20 or profligate for paying so much for a badge in the first place. Or referring to the sticking on of a badge and number plate as "a good day's work" like some ME sufferer. The hardest part though was that feeling of self-consciousness as you stand next to your car with a camera on your head talking to yourself.

Cpt. Blackadder: Let's see, what have we here? A small painted wooden duck. Baldrick: Yeah, I thought if you get caught near water, you can balance it on the top of your head as a brilliant disguise. Cpt. Blackadder: Ah, now that's something, let's see.....a Robin Hood costume. Baldrick: I put in a French peasant's outfit first, but then I thought 'What if you arrive in a French peasant's village and they're in the middle of a fancy dress party?' Cpt. Blackadder: And what if I arrive in a French peasant village, dressed in a Robin Hood costume and there isn't a fancy dress party? Baldrick: Well, to be quite frank sir, I didn't consider that eventuality, because if you did, you'd stick out like a.... Cpt. Blackadder: [interrupting] Like a man standing in a lake with a small painted wooden duck on his head? Baldrick: Exactly!

So because I really wanted to make a useful how to for this blog, particularly because one or two of the jobs I intend to do don't seem to have many Brit videos covering them, I thought I might test my skills by making a short and simple one to start. This would be a test of my virgin iVideo editing skills (so-so), my GoPro set-up (camera angle fail - pretty much filming passing aircraft) and what resolution to use etc so as to make it small enough memory wise to be uploadable to this blog. That said, despite it being merely 8mins and 53 seconds long, and only filmed in 720P, it is taking over 2 hours to finalise in iMovie ffs...

Okay so it's drained 50% of the battery on my Mac already but iMovie is on the vinegar strokes as I write this...the Beckhams aren't here admittedly, nor Lewis and Nicole, but I'm anxious nonetheless for my GoPro Premiere. It's just as well I have steady employment.

Well after all that blogger had a limit of 100MB for video uploads. So here it is on YouTube juxtaposed like a dog turd next to the Crown Jewels. Enjoy.

http://youtu.be/Mt72xEwQG4k